All in all Spring has flown by & the Mission Cheese flower is beginning to bloom. For those of you that do not know, I am in the process of opening a cheese-related establishment in San Francisco. A task that is definitely more difficult than it sounds, frustrating...you know...at times, but all together very entertaining. I feel compelled to share. My most recent 'adventure' was a wild goose chase for a respectable printing service that does not involve me handing over my business plan to a seemingly harmless, but none-the-less complete stranger behind the counter.
I have, in my professional life, had some really special moments with copy machines, but I have to say, this takes the truckle. If only my home printer did not produce documents that appear as if they've been basking in the sun since 1979, I would be golden. So, for your reading pleasure...the play by play:
- Ahhh, Kinko's/FedEx combo is a few blocks from my apartment, Perfect! Walk on down to print files that I have emailed to myself. This should take no time at all!
- Ancient PC will not open my PDF files & said PC is spouting that hideous start-up/shutdown jingle. No visible volume control. Remaining calm.
- Return home to save PDFs to a thumb drive for easy printing on a wonderfully convenient device with a USB port.
- Back to Kinko's, insert thumb drive into printer, and wait for document to load...10 minutes later...anxious nausea...pacing...20 minutes later, document has printed. 1 of 4 documents complete (the going rate is now apparently $.79 per color copy...ouch).
- Since FedEx is right here, I figured...why not take advantage of the one stop shop. Approach counter for service. Museum back setting in.
- "I'm sorry, did you say $14? Is it arriving to San Jose in an hour via FedEx fixie? Oh that's ground shipping, 2-3 business days. Stellar." Nauseous.
- Surrender for the day. Kinko's/FedEx is now the enemy. I was certain I would never return
- Brand new day & three copies to be printed & mailed off. Plan of attack, Copy Central in the Castro & post office in the Haight.
- Get to Copy Central, forgot thumb drive, files won't open from my email (shocking). Printer quality seems inferior to Kinko's (what?). Leave Copy Central.
- Cruise back home, pick up thumb drive, & I find myself walking back to Kinko's (huh?) with a book in hand to stave off the nausea.
- Insert thumb drive. I am no speed reader, but 20 pages in my book later...no printing has occurred. There is now a crowd lingering around the printer waiting for something to happen. Cancel download. Try again. Error 1...error 2...error 3. Nauseous. Leave Kinko's. Growling. Empty handed.
- Walk back to Copy Central. Sweating.
- Ask the lovely man behind the counter to change up the paper for a better printing quality. Thumb drive works (VICTORY). Let the printing commence.
- Proudly approach the register, 3 copies on hand, ready for payment and a trip to the post office.
Man: "That will be $11"
Captain Rip-U-Off: "Oh...no...wait...color copies...that will be $44.26"
Me: "For the love of ink...what?!?"
Mayor of Jerktown: "Color copies are expensive, just like fancy cheese"
- After a heavy dose of stink-eye, I hand over payment. Nauseous.
- Train & walk to post office. Send documents for a much better rate than the previous day. Props to the P.O. (Mum...I hope you are reading this)
Stay tuned for the next adventure. I need to eat some cheese.